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The Healing Presence
By admin1 | Maaliskuu 27, 2011
Early in the week (Living Waters Leadership Training 3-8 August 2009) God spoke to me through His word:
“After I strayed, I repented; after I came to understand, I beat my breast. I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth. — Set up roadsigns; put up guideposts. Take note of the highway, the road that you take. –
-The whole valley where dead bodies and ashes are thrown — will be holy to the Lord.” Jeremiah 31:19,21,40 NIV
Dead bodies were considered unclean: The filthy, unclean place will be holy to the Lord. Even everything in my life that I have been ashamed of and regretted, can and will one day be clean and the Lord will use all I’ve been through to bless others. I pondered upon this all week.
The healing presence during the worship times was tangible. The teachers were open and honest. Painful things we usually keep as a secret were common topics of conversation.
Recovery is like a journey that we’re all on together. Strangers felt like dear sisters and brothers.
I am chronically ill and find sitting a pain. In the beginning of the week I needed strong pain-killers, but towards the end none as I had been crying so much.
One day we were praying against the hatred of women, myself included. I usually don’t howl aloud in a public place, but as there were many women crying aloud and God was touching and delivering us, it felt like we were on holy ground. I felt like falling into a black hole. So unfair my parents hadn’t shown love to me. I hated myself, not willing to live (in reality I’m steadily recovering).
My group leader urged me to write a few “hate letters” (ones that address difficult issues and are not meant to be sent).
I wrote ones to my parents and husband. To my surprise I felt little anger or pain. I have been bringing these things to Jesus’ cross; I thought that maybe I’m more recovered than I imagined. But when I wrote a letter as to why I hate myself, I was crushed. I went to the forest to pray and cry aloud to God. I confessed as wrong that I’ve kept hating myself who God dearly loves and values.
Every morning I went for a prayer walk alone. Usually one “doesn’t have time” for such.
On the way home I felt unreal, my heart was so full, I didn’t feel like talking to the kind people who gave me a lift home. I’ve been treasuring these memories ever since. So much more was done in a week than is normally done in months and hours of counseling therapy.
I’m so grateful to God, and to you all that made the course possible and to my intercessors.
Kirsi Hann
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